This film is one that is widely known to be a classic. Classic in the sense that it is from the time when most of the Hollywood EPICS came out. I mean that term in the sense that these epics were these big budget movies that were not only great but had amazing headliners at the time. Examples of these include Cleopatra, Spartacus, The Ten Commandments, and Lawrence of Arabia. What’s unique about films like these is that you don’t even have to list who’s in them because you already know. Which is why you don’t really need to see Ben-Hur to know that Charlton Heston is the star of the film. The only film I’ve kinda sorta seen with Charlton Heston before this one was Planet of the Apes and that’s only because the remake Tim Burton made alerted me to the fact that there was even an original to begin with.
Basic Premise of the Film: Guy becomes enslaved because he fell out of favor with power ranking former bro. Vows to return and get his revenge because his mother and sister are imprisoned for no reason as well. Years pass, he comes back, gets his “revenge” of sorts, is reunited with mother and sister after some issues. They all live “happily ever after.” Kinda of a cross between Gladiator and The Count of Monte Cristo.
I went into this knowing that it was a best picture winner. Not only that, but I knew it cleaned house at the Oscars. How did I know this? My husband has an Oscars history book that told me so. But that’s neither here nor there. Afterwards, I got curious and wondered what other films it had been up against for Best Picture: yeah, I hadn’t heard of any of them. This film definitely deserved that statue in my opinion; a year the Academy actually got it right. Now, the movie took like maybe 20 minutes or so to fully reel me in. When it did, I was gone and in love! This movie was amazing. Even in VHS I was able to see the wonder of the cinematography and the production of the film. I also kinda wondered why I’d gone so long without seeing it. As you can see — if you read my thoughts and questions list below — I got a little baby crush on that Charlton Heston. Low-key though. Don’t tell my husband.
I also enjoyed the underlying biblical storyline that was incorporated, that was unexpected but very welcome. I’m just in awe. They really don’t make epics like this anymore. No, The Avengers doesn’t count, no matter how epic you thought it was. I don’t know what else to say except that if you love movies or consider yourself a movie buff: YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS. When the “100 Films” list first came out, the movie was ranked at 72. Ten years later when the list was updated to include films that had been released since, it was demoted all the way to 100. I can’t necessarily say whether it did or didn’t deserve to drop 28 spots, but I guess as I make it through the list and see which films got bumped up and which ones were introduced I can come up with a better answer to that question. Until then, it’s been a great start to watching the movies on this list.
Viewed on a 2-tape VHS set. Before I happened to come across it for purchase, I found a site that hosted it to view online. CLICK HERE if you wish to view it. (If the link goes dead, sorry, you might be SOL)
And, just for fun…
Here’s a list of the questions and thoughts I had as I watched this THREE AND A HALF HOUR film (I typed them as I watched it):
- Overture? Time for snacks.
- What Mary and Joseph are in this? I didn’t know this was a biblical story. Happy Birthday, Jesus!
- How am I like 10 minutes in and the title and credits are only just now coming on?
- Ahhh….a prophecy about a king leading the Jews to freedom from the Romans. That sounds familiar.
- AHAHAAHA…a carpenter’s boy who does magic tricks. I wonder who that is.
- Oh haaaay there, Judah (Charlton Heston). You ain’t bad looking.
- Well, Judah and his Roman friend, Messala ain’t friends no more.
- Judah, fresh as fuck. Just planting a kiss on Esther. He gonna marry her, I bet you.
- Judah’s sister…what a damn fool. Knocked over the ceiling tile and hit the Governor. On accident though. Too bad that fool died.
- Awww…Judah taking the blame.
- Dang, Messala. Cold blooded. Wouldn’t even help the homie out.
- Messala investigates; saw for himself Ben-Hur wasn’t full of it. Still doesn’t help the homie out.
- Jail break! Go Judah!
- Welp, I guess they really aren’t friends anymore. Gonna make an example of Judah so people will be scared. Savage AF Messala. Yes, Judah. You will come back and get your revenge.
- Really savage. Got these prisoners walking barefoot through the hot ass desert with no water.
- WHAT?! NO WATER FOR JUDAH!? COLD BLOODED AF.
- Nooooo Judah! Don’t die.
- Jesus for the win! Judah said, “God help me.” ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE! Even the Roman soldier who was about to stop Jesus from giving him water was all like, “Okay, I ain’t messing with you.”
- Enter boat/ship ride. Where they at? Turns out Judah’s been slaving as a ship rower going on four years now so, where they are, is irrelevant. I guess.
- Judah’s angry AF. He gonna be snatching some heads when he gets the chance.
- I’m starting to get a little crush on Charlton Heston here. He’s wearing the diaper equivalent of shorts. But dang, he is not bad looking at all. Hey, boo.
- This commander got these people rowing like mad men for no reason. They passing out left and right and he has no fucks to give. These Romans are ruthless. Shout out to the one Roman soldier that was feeling bad — he had a heart deep down.
- JUDAH FTW. SAVING LIVES WHEN EVERYONE ONE ELSE IS PANICKING. (Plothole: Why that one dude only got a nub for an arm. I need to know). Look at him, even saved the Roman general — he totally owes him one now.
- This guy is pleading for his innocence since he saved his life to the main boss dude, Emperor Tiberius. Ah, snap. Judah’s moved on up the slave ladder. He’s like a personal assistant now. Go Judah!
- Judah got adopted by the man he saved. SAY WHAAAAA…? His name is now “Young Arrius.”
- Papa-san gonna let Judah go back to Jerusalem and get his revenge. That’s love and gratitude right there.
- Judah gonna be a chariot racer. That’s his ticket back to Jerusalem.
- Messala’s all like: “Uhhhhhh….Hey, Judah.”
- Judah about to really snatch some heads since his mother and sister died in the prison. Sidebar: They actually alive, but since they have leprosy, they don’t want him to see them like that, so Esther lied for them.
- Intermission? Time for snacks and to switch the VHS tape.
- This some Pete Rose shiet right now. Persian guy come through betting Judah gonna win this race, Messala’s like hell naw and agrees to a 1,000 pounds bet — they English or Roman? What’s currency do the Romans use? Did they say “pounds” because they’re too lazy to say “libras?”
- Everybody is cheering for their hometown boy, Judah, to win this race. He is after Prince Judah Ben-Hur.
- I’m sure somewhere in this race, George Lucas got the idea for the pod race in Phantom Menace.
- Can even half of these mofos ride chariots!?!?! They all falling off! Judah sneaking in and taking the lead slowly. It’s only really between J and M now, everybody else is gonna crash.
- Ah, snap. J almost wiped out. Now, J and M are fighting each other with whips, while still racing. Such bitches.
- That’s it, Judah wins! Messala low key tore up AF now. Everyone is so happy their brethen won.
- Dang, Messala on his deathbed, crippled beyond fixing, and he’s still being cold blooded. Over here telling sex on a stick Judah that his mom and sister are actually alive and where he can find them if “he can even recognize them.” RUDE. BYE MESSALA.
- Well, he found them and Esther convinced him not to make himself known for their own sake. Such will that Judah almost didn’t have.
- Jesus is back! This time he was in the mountains doing his Jesus thang.
- Judah denounces Rome. He was about to become a citizen, and he said I don’t want it. Okay, you stand up for your beliefs and feelings, girl. Back to being enemy of the state it is, then.
- Judah’s on a “Fix It Jesus” journey to heal his sister who is on the brink of death. Bless him.
- One problem: Trial of Jesus has just ended and he’s about to be crucified. (Now, I knew Jesus was a very minor barely secondary character, but I didn’t think they were gonna show all of that).
- What. She’s healed! Also: Jesus ain’t on that cross no-more.
- Aww, happy ending. Morale of the story: Keep fighting the good fight, and don’t lose your faith.
secret life of an almost "Grown-Up" 